Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
