he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
