Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
