i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The maid of honor just puked.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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