doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
