I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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