I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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