i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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