...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
