do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
