All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
