I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
