She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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