What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
