from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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