At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
