i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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