Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
