she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
