You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
