She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
