the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
