I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
