i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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