My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
