she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
