Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
