i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
