Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
