Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it hurts more in the daytime
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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