in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
