You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
