Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
