I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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