Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
