whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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