I have demons in me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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