grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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