so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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