Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
