think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
