I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
