i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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