Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
