In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
