Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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