So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
