i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
