I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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