This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
